Hiding My Desire IN NEED OF HELP, PLEASE READ CHAPTER 3
by Skelator
Summary: Mikasa is in love with Eren, but she's plauged with nightmares about his death, How can she protect and lobe him at the same time? Mikasa is thrown into a battle between if she should Let Eren be used For humankind, Or let her desires take him. (First Fanfic)(Eren x Mikasa) (Maybe a new chapter each 2 days)( Please leave feedback and Review :D)
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first ever fanfic, it will be updated each time I finish a chapter (new updates are planned to be each 2 days) Please comment if you have any suggestions or improvements, please be honest when suggesting. It will mainly be Mikasa's POV but im still deciding if I will do some chapters with Sasha's POV, I Know there are a lot of spelling mistakes, but this is a very half completed work, I may update it depending how popular it is.**

Mikasa lied awake, her eyes studied the old and rough wood above her, and she kept shifting her position on the bed, trying to fall asleep. But how could she fall asleep with the same thought consuming her mind, tearing her from the Darkness of sleep, All she could think about was her encounter 5 days ago.

It just lingered In her mind  
Her dreams were just a constant replay of that moment, each one piercing deeper Into her soul, tearing her from the veil of reality.  
She remembered how his voice sounded, his voice didn't have the usual hateful or vengeful tone that he used when he was angry, that was he usually spoke.  
It had a soft and caring tone, _**A**_ _**Loving**_ _**Tone**_.  
But the most important part of the encounter, was how he focused on her.  
For once in her life, He had focused on her. _**Mikasa**_ _**Ackerman**_. Not titans. Not Armin. Not Levi. Not Annie. He had focused on **HER, and every beautiful aspect about her.**  
She remembered it perfectly, the precious words he uttered.  
"Mikasa...I..Love...You"  
Those words, repeated in her head day after day.

Whenever she relived that moment, she felt his loving bliss cascading over her.  
After her he had said those words, she felt possessed by her love for him. Each time she saw him, she wanted to run up to him and lock him in her embrace, kiss him with all the passion she had bottled up for years, give him the love she needed so desperately to give.  
But she couldn't; because she wasn't his lover.  
She was mikasa, the quiet girl that only cared about eren and his safety, But not _**Eren's**_ safety, the safety of the angry sad Boy, The boy who could transform into a Titan, The safety of the _**savior**_ _**of**_ _**Humankind**_.  
While the titans still existed, there was no Eren Jaeger, There was only Eren Jaeger, the human weapon, wielded by his hate for titans and his anger, Trained by the scout regiment, Only sheathed by mikasa and Armin _**Occasionally.  
**_But she didn't want to love this Human Weapon, who had been branded with the name Eren jaeger, to try to give off the false impression of a human being.  
She wanted to love the Real Eren, the Eren that had been her companion, her friend, the person she had sworn she would protect from his anger and hate.  
But while he still had that un-quenchable anger, there could be no Real Eren, there could be only the Human Weapon Eren Jaeger.

Mikasa had been so consumed in her rage of thoughts, she hadn't noticed how tired she was, although she didn't want to stop her torrent of thinking, the strong grip of sleep strangled her and forced her to retreat behind the curtain of blackness of sleep. In a few minutes she drifted into an Uneasy and Cautious sleep.

**I Hope you guys enjoyed that, Please leave feedback/improvements I could work on :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry about the wait, it took me a while to finish this, And i do know about all the grammar/spelling/punctuation errors, but i need to get these out as quick as i can or i lose interest in them. Please review and Comment :D I Will try to Get chapter 3 up soon!**

As she fell asleep, mikasa had a uneasy feeling set over her as she slipped into a paranoid and worried sleep, she was scared, scared about what might happen while she was sleeping, she had inherited this fear ever since her parents were fear would never let her have peace, it Seeped into her mind and infiltrated her dreams. She saw this fear in vivid and realistic nightmares, she had nightmares every single night, they were usually just replays of the murder of her parents, but ever since the attack on **Shiganshina **district, they started becoming replays of her Eren's and hers mother being eaten, Sometimes her mind got creative and decided to torture her, She would have dreams about her and Eren getting aten by a Titan, each time in the dream she would be screaming and begging for mercy.

But after her encounter with Eren 3 days ago, her dreams had gotten even worse  
She had the same dream, each time it was equally terrifying, she wanted to rip her eyes out each time whey had it.  
the dream went like this.

She was at a wedding, she was the bride, and Eren was the groom.  
They were standing at the altar, Eren was standing there smiling at her, his face looked like he had all the joy in the world.  
She looked out in the crowd, there was Armin, Sasha, Levi and they were all smiling with a joyful expression on their faces, she had never seen them this happy before.  
The desire in Eren's eyes were burning like hot coals, she had never seen him so... **_In_** **Love. As the priest stopped talking, **Eren looked directly into mikasa eyes, he took her wrists and moved her closer towards him, Mikasa was absolutely shocked and remained frozen in her position. Once there faces were nearly touching Eren leaned in and whispered in Mikasa's ear "I love you, and I always will" Mikasa was still confused and shocked, the words made no sense to her. Why would Eren be marrying her? She knew Eren could never love her with the titans still around much less marry her. Eren moved his face back and leaned towards Mikasa's lips expecting her to kiss him, Mikasa still too shocked to do anything desperately tried to think of what to do next, But that's when she saw it.

A Titan was rising up behind the the gazebo they were standing on, Mikasa was utterly horrified, her body felt frozen in its place. Eren noticing mikasa expression of fear, turned around and saw the reason for Mikasa's horror. The colossal Titan stood behind him, it was as muscled and Scarred as it had always been, and you could see his eyes burning a flame red color. In one gigantic swing the colossal Titan swung his arm furiously and the force of his blow threw Eren Jaeger straight in the air, he flew up and landed over in the chairs for the guests, Everybody was panicking and people were running, some were just sitting down and crying. Mikasa was absolute terrified, her feet were cemented in place were she stood, she was frozen in fear, and that's when she saw something that made her heart jump.

The colossal titan lifted its foot and moved it directly over Eren, It's huge foot hovered over eren's small body, it was going to crush eren like a ant, and mikasa was helpless to do anything about it. And that's when she looked directly into Eren's eyes, She studied his eyes and she could tell that he knew he was going to die, She knew this would be the last time there eyes would meet, She looked into his eyes and she felt his very soul be one with her, his eyes showed pain, anger, confusion, but most of all they showed sadness, The sadness that he knew he would never be able to marry mikasa.

Then it was all over, the Titan's foot crushed Eren underfoot, he had died right in front of Mikasa's eyes. Mikasa was speechless, she couldn't even calculate what just happened, The gears in her mind had just jammed. But then she finally clicked she said under her breath "_Eren...is...Dead" s_he flung herself to theground_, _she was a heaping mess as she cried uncontrollably_,_ A thousand emotions all rushed her at once, sadness, anger, denial, rage, blame and **_Pain_**, A pain so great she thought she would die from. She just lay there crying, hoping the colossal Titan would kill her next...

But in a second she was torm from her tortures dreams, somebody had woke her up and pulled her out of the hellish dream. She opened her eyes to see Sasha, with a concerned look on her face, before mikasa had time to ask, Sasha asked with a concerned tone "Mikasa, you were thrashing around and crying, Is everything okay?" Mikasa sighed, she certainly had some explaining to do...

**Please review and Comment :D!**


	3. Need some help

Should I continue writing this? Yes I know I have bad grammar but I am working on revising chapter 2.

if you going to be mean in comments then I will delete your posts.

if anyone wants to help me out that would be great, you can reach me at Instagram _ummmmmmmmmmmmm and send me a DM (I'm a lot more active on Instagram)

You can also PM me about this just click my profile.

If anyone could spell-check just send a message on one of those sites I said above, I will mention you and you could help me with the story.

if you have an idea for the next chapter please post in comments.

Also I'm 13 and a guy lol (not gay)


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